it's really hard to have about 100 ppl coming for international dinner. then dropping to 5 ppl, 3 ppl to OCF meetings. we go there n we c the committee. then we can't do anything n we go back early. ok. initially it was ok. i could go back early n rest early. but somehow yest, it was just weird. like i'm thinking 2 myself. what am i doing here? what's my purpose here? there's nobody coming. so what's the point of going there? just to go there n c there's nobody there? i'm just feeling discouraged. there is no enthusiasm anymore. i can't b bothered to make a formal meeting anymore. i dunno......am i the only 1 who feel like that? y aren't the committee talking bout our drop in no? y aren't we doing stg? y isns't there stg we can do? y dun ppl come? r we just existing just for the sake of existing? i dunno anything anymore.

but i do thank God for 2 gurls who bravely stepped up to b leaders.

Col 4:2-6

COntinue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving. At the same time, pray also for us, that God may open us a door for the world, to declare the mystery of Christ, on account of which I am in prison-that i may make it clear, which is how i ought to speak. Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that u may know how u ought to answer each person.

nick was ending the study on col 2nite. n the main focus was on prayer. the jeez was that i wasn't praying God's will. I wasn't praying for any of the above what Paul was praying. I realised everytime i pray it's always bout me, me n me. My needs n my wants. It's like making God to be a genie who fulfills our wishes. n the thing is that if we pray for the things in the bible, the things that God said He'll do then that's good bcoz He'll do it as it's good.

anyway, it was a time for self examination. n 1) pray for the gospel to spread, 2) for christians to grow.

I am staying with 3 other non-christian flatmates. n what have i told them about the gospel? nothing. zero. n what did paul pray? He prayed for the purposes of God..that God will open doors for us to declare the mystery of God. n walk in wisdom, making the best use of the time. I haven't been in tune with anything above at all.

but at least now i still ahve another half a year to go. n i now know what to pray for. to not focus on myself but on God's purposes. thank God that i have the assurance that when i repent n say sorry, I am forgiven. thank God tat everytime i falll, God picks me up n i continue to walk again. somehow i feel a weight has been lifted off n i can breath again. thank God for His grace and mercy.

oh my gosh! OCF actually survived outside in the hail and rain for 4 hours from 10-2am. i'm very sure it went down to 5 degrees..prob more than that??i'm speechless. we sold at dent school area. n nick, lyv, scott, sharon, ginny,dorothy n dennis were there..n  nigel came  bit later..n dorothy left at 12 ish? ya. she was great cookjing the sausages. me n dennis, ginny went up to george st to try 2 draw ppl over. n it was crazy. we were holding up signs n shouting like pasar malam style. "hot sausages 2 dollar!!" stg like that.. n wearing gloves n hats n scarf. oh man...i seriously didn't know how we did it. when it rained n hailed we opened the umbrellas n try 2 cover the foood..it's soo crazy.. man so crazy. all of us couldn't feel our feet n hands cos we were frozen.  but ya..ppl we met along the way told us that sat nite would have been better. well..good for student life then. but then this was our 1st time doing this stuff..at least we tried.. scott did a brilliant job. getting the tables n carrying them in his car.

n i cleaned my flat toilet 2day..for 2 hours...my arms hurt..so tired...n did laundry..n i dunno how i lkost 1side of my sock

we didn't manage 2 sell eevrything cos the town was dead. nobody was out. sigh at least we tried...n hhehe..praying in the cold...around the bbq area...

my room is freezing..my feet r swollen n itchy..

it's my last week of hols...other ppl have started classes except me hehehe.. it feels good :)

ok so my first week of hols is not very well spent. basically eating, sleeping n my eyes glued to my laptop watching movies n drama. not productive at all. very very bad. n i stiill wanna laze around.......not good since exams r only 4 weeks away.

i passed my theory test for my drivier's license yay!! n i was kinda freaking out last nite cos it's so xpensive to sit them. i'm one step closer to getting a full license now..just need a car 2 practise n sit the test with.. hmm..who can b my instructor with car??

OCF gonna fund raise on fri nite.. selling sausages at the corner of great king st n fred st. n it's not goona n nice weather..min of 6 degrees! crazy...scott is organizing most stuff. thnk God for scott. 2 b honest.i've nevr done it b4. so i'm kinda scared..scared of the cold 2 b exact. from 10pm tll sold out? praying it'll b sold out quick.......y everytime ocf wants 2 go out it'll b freezing cold?? yyyy....

i forgot to post this up. we saw this poem in waihola during the oCf/vcf retreat. all of us tot it was really great. i think so too :) n i'm taking  a break from studying the brain n nerves..gosh it's killing me..n listening to music while blogging=good rest time... today as i went to the hosp 2 get my eyes checked. the doctor asked me in reponse to me saying studying is tough now" so did u think going into med would b easy?" n i was like "no...n in my heart( i didn't think it was gonna b this hard!!)" n he asked" do u have a conscience?" n i was like"yaa..." n he replied" so u r gonna suffer but u'll prob make a good doc". n i was hmmmmm...good doc? that's soo encouraging.. i really dun wanna b a bad doc. but at this rate studying my cranial nerves n pathways. n being 90% confused all the time. i dun know whether i'll get to the stage of good doctor.

anyway tat's beyond the point. the poem!

When i say i am a christian       
I'm not saying "i am saved"
I'm wihspering "i was lost"
that's why i choose this way

when i say i am a christian
I don't speak of this with pride
I'm confessing that i stumble
and need someone for my guide     

when i say i am a christian
I'm not trying to be strong
I'm professing that i am weak
and pray for strength to carry on

when i say i am a christian
I'm not claiming to be perfect
my flaws are all too visible but
God believe that i am worth it                                                   

when i say i am a christian
i still feel the sting of pain
i have my share of heartaches
that's y i speak His name                                                                        

when i say i am a christian 
i do not wish to judge
i haven't the authority
i only know i am loved

carol s wimmer

cool eh??

anyway, 2day at the doc. i didn't even know i was diagnosod with intraocular hypertension till 2day. i mean i i didn't know the medical term for "high pressure in the eyes". but the pressure which used 2 b like 20 ish above n that is high n damaging in the long term, is actually below 20 this time. n i was like wooah... wat happened? it's great news for me bcoz my eye sight will not b damaged. n in the long run won't get blind but wow..is this another blessing from God? cos i cna't c how it can just decrease?but i still gotta go back n do another test which will tell whether it's really down. but for now i'm just real happy :) thank u!!

n i'm going to kaikoura for a placement for a week! the place where it's real famous for whale watching! n i heard it's real beautiful:) but i won't go whale watching la.. too xpensive. i'll just take a photo with the kaikoura sign n yep i've been there haha. i never tot i'll get that place too tho. hehehe...i was just telling my mom that i'll love to go there. n i got it! hehe. so i have 2 stop over in chch to get the conencting bus the next day. so i can meet bomi!!! i've already booked her on june 15th hehe.

oh ya. n i actually told my mom i went to ocf retreat/camp! cos i talked to her on sun n i told her i wasn't in for the weekend. so she asked where n y? n i told her christian camp. n she didn't scold me or anything. she even asked me for more details... :) yay :) n i emailed her n tell her i'm going to mid year conference!she didn't email her response yet..but i think it's gonna b ok. i didn't have 2 lie the last time so i think it'll b ok this time. she's beginning 2 open up a bit so that's good. hope i'll b more open next time tooooo......God is at work..hehe

ok..gonna go sleep now..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

this week...has been a bz week. but it's just that so many things happen that r not school work. things that u would not face back home bcoz u have ur parents n we r so sheltered. but here in a foreign country, we rely on our frenz to help us. i had the opportunity to b that fren, to b with my fren who needs frenz. even tho it takes time and effort n it was really tiring. but it is another thing that God is teaching me. another thing in life that i have to learn. to grow up n b an adult. i'm amazed that evey year there sure is stg for me to learn. it's never the same..

n this weekend we had a combine ocf and vcf camp in waihola. actually this is teh 1st nite i went for it n stayed overnite for the full thing. tho it was only a sat-sun thing. but i enjoyed it. n even tho there was only 7 ppl: nick. fiona, jasmine, pierre, sharon n kat, it still was ok. i enjoyed the discussions we had n just knowing them more is nice. like wat fiona said, it prob can't b called a camp, it prob is a retreat. but it was relaxing...had heaps of food tooo eat yum..n the scenary was soooo nice. soo relaxing..i realised that the poo of horses n cows were somehow less than last year.

the whole focus was on evangelism. to b bold in proclaiming the gospel. n looking at reasons y we dun do it. am reminded that the gospel is good news. n that it is powerful. n nick gave us a guideline thing which we can keep at the back of our head when we try 2 talk 2 ppl. n that if we love ppl, we would want the best for them, n that God is the greatest treasure we can ever have. am reminded of what sin is again, n ya..just learning soo much from this 2 days, but just praying tat wat i've learnt just won't b kept shut in my head but that it'll go into action as well. i've alwayz thought that i can let my actions do the talking. that i'll just try to let my actions b a testimony n just show them instead of telling them. but nick said no, there is a difference bwtn these 2.

n i'm going to mid year conference in akl. just bcoz this might b my last chance 2 go 2 conference n every other thing else. i dun know how my clinical years would b. would i get hols? will it  the same as ppl? i dun know. but it's just planning the journey n getting cheap flights now. yikes..mafan..so i'm not going to the med conference in rotorua la...too pricey..

it's daylight saving 2day. so we gain 1 hour n it's 4 hrs diff bwtn NZ n m'sia now. yay haha.

hmm  back 2 studies again....dun wanna work!!but poor sharon she has 3 assignments due this week! crazy.... n she gonna stay up all nite 2nite.. poor gurl.

hmmm. 2mmrw i'm going back 2 my student life again.. not looking forward. wish i had more holidays

a quick summary on last week

mon: was really bz...had 2 tests which i really wanted 2 finish b4 easter break. n somehow things just pilled up which made me rant 2 my frenz in studios. ranting bout my disorganised flat. my flatmates. bcoz it just felt like all i did was run around. so they advised me to move out from my current flat bcoz i'm unhappy. n they even got the list of studios available and showed me some place. i was quite touched bt their effort n so i promised them i would seriously consider it.

so i talked to my homegroup ppl who are wiser. n they did say it's not practical cos then i would have to pay double rent, n ya other stuff. n siqin told me her experience at her place n how she dealt wif it. that helped heaps.it started 2 change my thinking. n this easter fri service helped too...i think it made me realise tat i'm not perfect either n that Jesus died for them too. n thursday nite bible study helped too. we did by recreating the atmosphere of the parables to make it mean stg to us. bcoz so often we read parables like'oh yep' without the moral of the story really hitting us. it made me realise hey, what makes me think i' have it all sorted? what makes me think i'm better than my flatmates? what makes me think my way of living is better than theirs? y am i so negative bout everything? i am no better than them at all.

n fri, my flatmates gave me easter eggs. that part also changed things. it made me c thier good points suddenly. like their good points r like amplified in front of me. N when at last minute notice i couldn't go flat shopping bcoz i ahd sleep over, they helped me buy stuff i needed too. N we had our flat meeting on sat afternoon. so divided out duty list for good. n money stuff. shud b ok now. duty list is out. i'm in charge of toilet for 4 weeks. n i nearly died yesterday just cleaning it. so much filth. n my whole body hurts now. ouch..n they dun mind me cooking stir fry all the time bcoz that's the only thing i know how 2 cook. tho i did say sorry for not knowing 2 cook other stuff. they're understanding ppl :)

n fri nite sleep over at sharon's church frenz helped too. christine was leading devotion n she said that God has put u where u r meant 2 b. for good? can't remember did she say for good but anyway, it hit me that mayb where i am at my flat is where i'm suppose 2 b. 2 try 2 b the light to them. not b the sulking gurl. n she said that we shud b ppl who encourage each other n build each other up. all these r not new stuff for a lot of christian ppl. but it gave me new pespective on thinking. it made me realise that for the past few days i've just been so negative n not positive. hardly the type of person God wants His children 2 b.

so i came out of easter weekend with decisions: i wasn't gonna move out. i'm gonna stay put n try 2 b a good testimony to them. or if i can't, i'm gonna change my thinking bout duties. like it'serving God. not them. tough but shud b ok. i'm gonna remember their good point more than their bad. dun let the bad points poison me of their goodness. which will help me love them more hopfully. i'm having this peace now. i dunno whether it's got 2 do with the 5 day break that i had n the movies i watched. but im sure God has given His peace 2 me as well.

On another note, this year's Good friday has been diff from the past 2 years. past 2 year was like"yay holiday" and that's it. ntg more meaning to it. but this year. i'm actually aware in my mind that it's bcoz of Jesus. n friday'service  was painful. i kept feeling a  huge lump on my throat n this burning feeling in my eyes. but i'm like'lishawn don't cry don't make a  fool of urself'. the whole event leading to the cross came aLIVE again. remembering salvation is greater than creation. God's love poured out for us. His blood took away our sins. Knowing my flat situation is ntg compared 2 the suffering He had to go thru.

after service on fri, went to P&P's hse for lunch. it was a really cool time! made pizza n pancakes! my 1st time ever doing this stuff. n i think i amused everyone with my lack of culinary skills. but it was really awesome doing these stuff with ppl who can guide u doing it knowing u won't burn the place down. esp when i was filling in 2 cup of self raising flour. i took the spoon n put in bit by bit n it was so messy. jasmine was like"lishawn u do it like this". *put the whole cup into the packet and scoop it out*. tada!. i was like "ooohhhh"....learnt stg new. hehe. so it was a educational afternoon. n we watched resident evil 3 while eating pizza. hahaa. random eh? but that what they rented. n all the gross stuff while we were having lunch..hmmm..

n jasmine invited me to her place for dinner! haha. sooo nice. she made roast pork n apple crumble n roast vege! yummmmmmm......alvin n jasmine r such a nice couple :)nxt time when i can drive i must remember 2 b like alvin. who shows his love to ppl by fetching ppl n sending ppl like me to the sleepover place even tho it's double the distance from his hse. plus i forgot to take my key and he had 2 double back to get it. sigh..lishawn u r sooo forgetful..

n i ate heaps this week!! on sunday we had a combine flat dinner out at the borg? it's a pub n restaurant.. n we waited an hour an a half for our food!! haha. it's funny. so we got free bread and dips and free desserts!! haha. it's a really long time for dinner. but then it prob is what God intended it to b. so that we can spend more time with each other which is a time we din usually get. it was a good time of laughter n talking :)my apple crumble was really yum....but they shud hav given more ice cream.

my fren is going for back surgery 2mmrw. siqin would know who. everybody's been praying for her. thank God for all the support she's been getting. OCF wouldn't be the same without her for a while.

i think that's all for now. bye bye hols sob sob...

rite..

i came back from the med CF BBQ in the doc's hse. weather was awesome. then i went to a valerie's flat 2 pay her back 5 bucks. it was a real coincidence that sharon went over to the exact same place as well! so after a few chat val wanted 2 go for a walk! n i wanted to go to gym cos i ate soo much at the doc's hse. oh btw siqin i'm back on dessert! haha. cos i think flatting is lacking food.. anyway. all 3 of us, val, sharon n i ended up going to get sharon's calling card in town and we walked to unimart to get ice-cream n the botanic gardens! it was quite a bit 2 walk but weather was great n warm...it was quite a relaxing day...n we bumped into nick and inga!tho i forgot 2 bring my camera on those occassions!! man... anyway, we sat down somewhere near the birds n talked  a bit. yep it was cool. got 2 know val a bit better. she's a 1st year from m'sia n she come 2 ocf. haha.

then came sunday:

early morning when i opened my window. guess wat i saw? broken eggs yolk and white stuff all over my window. sigh. i actually took a photo of that.somebody threw it on my window!

oh man..so i came back from lunch n wiped my window with detergent. i was a bit angry cos i needed 2 study n not do xtra stuff. but after talking to sharon n she said maybe it could have broken the window with that kinda of force and impact. n i was thinking thinking: ya it could have been worst. i can deal with wiping windows but not broken glasses. so again i thank God for His protection and tat the glass didn't break n i wasn't injured. it could have been worst that i agree. so i do c God's protection again hehe.

ok i have no idea why the pic didn't turn out. i did it b4. will check again.

2day's weather was awesome for a BBQ!!

went to Dr Ross Pettirgrew's hse for lunch wif other fellow students from med cf. great to hear from other docs experience n just enjoy the beautiful weather n scenary. i'm seeing another whole diff dunedin city. i was really hyped up for the coming national conference in rotorua bcoz there will b 2 speakers from the states coming to speak. n the electives this year sounded soo good.medical missions n vocations in medicine. wanna go for this 2! but as i checked the air tickets n transport possibilities. it's gonna cost a bomb. 200ish to return and a 100 ish to get up tehre. n 90 for 4 days. sigh....n i can't spend so much here cos there's another conference in june that i wana go toooo......

ahhhh..............yyyyyyy can't yhere b cheap tickets...

gosh i can't believe it..the 4th week of uni has gone by. 2day we r soo blessed with xtremely blue blue sky n warm weather. great 2 c the sun n blue sky again..thank u Lord. :)

hmm. i dun think anything drastic happened like last week again.. aside from me learning to clean the toilet for the 1st time last sat! gosh..really learning experience. n flatmates mom came to visit and we had good food..relatively good compared 2 wat we usually have. ahha. really made me miss home actually,

OCF we had easter focus 2nite. this is our last meeting b4 easter break as next fri is good fri so we'll take that week off. we had the uno chaplain to share easter with us. what it really means n culturally..hot cross buns etc. it was good...tho bit hard 2 understand at 1st. n even tho i tot that no were gonna b low 2nite. God brought ppl 2 us. like over 15ish?? close to 20? it seemed like a big no. n it wasn't usual ocf old members. it was the new ones that came. that was really encouraging. n VAL came down from welly!! so great 2 c her. n worship wasn't a disaster like i tot it would b. i had been practising with lyv for 2 days n i was a bit stressed out. cos i can't sing for once. i lack confidence n i go out of tune n i actually sing mono-tunely. like a single tone. but ppl actually sang along with me so that was good hehe. it is 2 God we r singing praises to. we sang" worthy is the lamb, once again, you are my all in all". love those songs. N we even spontaneously went to HOly name to look at the cross stations on the walls? diff pic depicting the episodes leading to the cross. so a group of ppl went to church. ahha. with Greg explaining the sequence of events.

n 2day in class i actually managed 2 talk 2 a muslim fren bout easter. like wat val prayed for us. that we might have opportunities to share about easter with ppl. not long ones, even short ones r good enufff. n it actually came true! it's soo...wow.it's short tho cos it was in btwn classes. i actually told her that easter is bcoz of Jesus's death.. n she actually asked me what do christians do on Good fRIDAY. n ya Nick said there are special church services. n it can b for ppl 2 just take time out and reflect. tho we do remember Christ's death most of the time and wat He's done for us. so ya..prayer does come true..

sharon n i r planning to get 2gether everyweekend 2 just pray 2gether for our flatmates n for other things. n last sun was the 1st time we did it. n it's great 2 just support each other in prayer. after OCF we also talk bit n prayed 2 gether. it's a nice time 2 just listen to each other's concerns n feelings n lift it up 2 God. talking bout the nite, the upcoming camp, upcoming events...etc..

gosh i realised there r so many camps coming up. OCF/VCF combined camp on 4-6 april. Med CF camp on end of may?? n TSCF conference on end of June. ,my gosh..3 camps in 1 sem...I think OCF no r gonna b small cos heaps of ppl just can't go or have other commitments. so basicaly sharon has 2 turn up. n if she goes i can't not go. really wanna go for med CF camp n tscf conference!! highlights of the year!!

2mmrw MED CF r gonna have a BBQ at a doc's hse. with heaps of doc's and clinical students! gonna b a great opportunity 2 talk 2 them n ask for advice!

n gotta study for 2 tests nxt week..trying 2 get it done b4 easter break..

n pray pray for my fren who's going to surgery on 26/3. pray for good surgeon n strength...for everything!!

n my flat is still like that. disorganised. power bill high for summer. sigh....

n heaps of ppl 2 catch up with during easter break. my mentee for starters, glavin n mae ann, other unicol ppl.....

hmm, that's all for now. gona sleep now...oh n watched a movie on mon!! my 1st movie back in NZ. the end of the spear! really heart warming true story of 5 missionaries who were killed when they were trying 2 reach out to the wadani tribe in ecuador ie share Jesus with them. n how their families forgave the tribe ppl who killed their husbands. eventually the son n the person who killed his father bcame like family. even tho he knew year's later who killed his dad. gosh it doesn't make sense eh?? go to www.endofthespear.co.nz n read the awesome event that happened!

n one scene that touched my heart was when the 8 year old son asked the dad

son:" DAD, if the wadani tribe attacks u then will u promise to defend urself with the gun?"

dad:" no son we can't fight back/harm/kill them bcoz they r not ready for heaven yet, but we are."

n the scene when the dad leaves the family n flies off...the son running after the plane n says softly "i love u dad"

oh man!! that was soo sad...

yepz..tht' kinda my week. haha. gttg sleeppppp snooze...........nitezz :)